Final Draft
Romeo & Juliet
Juliet lightly drummed her fingers on the banister releasing a satisfied sigh as she gazed over the crowded room. The throng of writhing bodies were dipping and grinding to the beat of the base blasting from the speakers. The party was a complete success. And why wouldn't it be? The Capulets were known for organising the best raves in Verona. Of course a little stimulant courtesy of Juliet’s drug dealer parents did encourage misguided youths to swarm to the parties. She tossed her dark hair and descended the staircase searching the expanse of bodies for his familiar face. She hoped he would come and stop playing this ridiculous game of hard to get with her. It never once occurred to her that he might not be interested in her. Nobody refused her...ever.
Juliet was lost in her thoughts when there was a disturbance to her left. She turned and with a jolt of fury realised what was happening.
"Get the hell away from me you prick!" Juliet’s cousin Rosaline frantically pushed at a young man, his arms braced on either side of her caging her against the wall.
“What’s wrong Ros? Not up for it tonight?" He spoke lazily; his speech slurred.
"Montague you moron!" came a shrill voice.
Romeo turned away from Rosaline. He found himself face to face with a glaring Juliet. He smiled devilishly as he looked her up and down lingering on the overflowing bust escaping from her mini dress. Juliet noticed.
"Dream on" she said.
"Juliet babe, nice of you to descend from your throne to grace us all with your presence. I should be grateful. Ros seems a bit frigid tonight ".
" You're disgusting and you should not be here. If my dad finds out he won't hesitate to kick your sleazy ass. I suggest you leave, now" her tone was quietly vicious.
Romeo scowled at the threat.
"Alright alright. I'm gone". He turned to walk away but not without a final word.
"I know all this hostility is cos you secretly want me. I just want to let you know I'm available".
"Bite me"
"If you insist". He smirked and staggered away from the party, out the doors and into the night.
Juliet glared after him. Her mood went from bad to worse as she realised that Paris had not turned up. She would call him later. For now she was too mad to enjoy the rest of the party so she called her driver to bring the car round front. She walked out into the crisp night to wait for him. As she stood there she startled at the sound of a zipper being pulled up, and strained her eyes to see who it was. He stepped awkwardly into the light streaming from a streetlamp. Romeo. He had obviously been relieving himself against the brick wall.
"I thought I told you to piss off" Juliet shot at him, repulsed.
"I just did" Romeo chuckled.
"Screw you"
"You sure can" He winked.
Juliet growled in frustration. "Where the hell's the car?" she whispered to herself.
"Leaving so soon princess?" Romeo called after her.
She did not dare take the bait, she just flipped him off and turned her back to him.
Romeo watched her. Juliet was such a tart he thought. But damn she was hot. Anyway he would never go there considering his parents were in feud with hers; the two major drug gangs in Verona. Each was fighting for larger territory and right now Romeo was carelessly in the Capulet's. He knew it was risky, but as usual Romeo just didn't give a shit. It was not like his parents gave a stuff anyway. They were so caught up in their money making schemes, they never even noticed when he was in the same room as them. His relationship with his parents extended only as far as late night calls making sure he had not been arrested. That would be bad for business.
"Why do you have to be such an asshole all the time?" Romeo was shocked out of his thoughts at the soft sound of her voice. He cleared his throat.
"What, like you care?" he replied. "Its not like you act like you have feelings".
"Well I do. I know its shocking, but you don't have to stomp all over them like they're nothing to you".
Romeo scoffed, "Okay... I'll remember that next time you take to verbally abusing me. I'll think, oh its okay its just cos Juliet has feelings".
"Look I know how I act, but I don't know how else to be. My parents don't really pay much attention to me so I just...oh never mind". Juliet returned to giving him the cold shoulder. She didn't feel like explaining herself.
"Well what do you know? You are of the human species after all" Romeo said, but his voice was low and thoughtful instead of mocking. Juliet looked at him and smiled sweetly.
"Well this is weird" she said.
"Too right" Romeo agreed, but they did not move away from each other. They stood staring at each other with new eyes.
“You’re a bit far from home Montague” A booming voice made them both jump.
“Well thanks for updating me on my geographical location mate” Romeo spoke towards the direction of the voice.
“Paris?” Juliet called. Paris stepped towards them but did not speak to Juliet. His eyes stayed glued to Romeo.
“You’re in no position to be insulting me Romeo”
Romeo and Juliet only had a split second to take in the sudden appearance of a gun in Paris' hand. He edged closer to Romeo.
“I’ll be doing a lot of people a favour by getting rid of your cocky ass”.
“Paris, don’t!” Juliet gasped. “He’s leaving okay?”
“No! Not okay” Paris raised the gun.
It was all over. Juliet’s breath came out in sobs as she knelt down beside Romeo, his chest streaming scarlet onto the filthy sidewalk. He was dead. Paris snickered as he turned and was swallowed by darkness. That was the last sound Juliet heard of the night.
Ooooh more!!! I like!! :)
ReplyDeleteI really LOVE that you chose the word 'dipping' to give imagery to the bodies dancing at the party in the first scene. Its very effective, creates a very good image of the way people dance these days haha
When she say Juliet was the Queen Bee...I feel like there may be a stronger word you could use to explain her arrogance...I myself haven't come up with an offering for you, but something to think about!
When you say Juliet was 'lost with her fantasies', I am intrigued to know more about what hr fantasies might be! Perhaps if you continue on with this piece after assessment, you could explore them for us readers :)
A wee punctuation thingee, you have cos' in there, but I think that it should be 'cos...maybe..haha
In the fourth to last paragraph starting with "Why do have to be such an asshole all the time!" I think you are missing a word, why do YOU or WE or something have to be....etc
Loving it, well done :)
Cheers Jennifer for the heads up on my little gramatical errors lol
ReplyDeleteI really wish I could write more. I definitely know what you mean about knowing more about Juliets fantasies. I had tonnes of ideas but you know, had to work around the word limit...haha
I cut out chunks of the narrative hoping that the dialogue would convey what I was trying to get across with limited words. I dunno if it worked at all lol
It worked! I love all the dialogue!!
ReplyDeleteRather than relying on description of actions or thought, the dialogue conveys the characters' true personas really effectively! Added to this, your use of short, simple sentences gives it some thing extra!
And I love the latest twist! I actually have no criticism here. I love everything. It lets your imagination really get a complete idea of Romeo and Juliet - I also really appreciate how you've weaved the other characters of the canon in.
Its almost beautiful in a dark way. :)
Hey! I really enjoyed reading this story! I'm not a massive shakespeare fan, but make it more interesting, re-write "as you like it" too cause i love that story but can never get into the way he writes hahaha..
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of Romeo saying "mate" it's almost like the nz version haha
"She hoped he would come and stop playing this ridiculous game of hard to get with her" I think that "Hard to get" could use quotation marks? but I may be wrong, just because when i first read the sentence it didn't make sense to me at first.
the mix of dialogue and narrative is awesome, it has a really good flow to it.
I really liked the plot of your story . my imagination was going crazy reading your version of Romeo and Juliet . well done :)
ReplyDeleteI loved how it's sort of modernized in a way. it is a very interesting read.
ReplyDelete